Cancer ok, gall bladder....not so much!

Busy few months.  Right after I had a follow up appointment that was uneventful....still wish there was a test to tell me there's NOTHING there, I got really really sick.

I went to emergency and was admitted to the hospital with acute pancreatitis and gall stones.  It was pain like I have never felt before.  It took a week before they could remove the stones and then remove the gall bladder.

The experience (especially the hospital I was taken to since there were no rooms around here) was FAR worse than all of the cancer crap I endured.

Recovery has been interesting.  Food is not my friend.  Diet pop is not my friend.  Being near a toilet because I don't know how things will affect me is a pain in my ass.

On a happy note, Christmas was nice.  Family time and friend time was special.

Ready for the new year.  Gotta start working out and eating better.  Motivation is sorely lacking.

Six Month Check up Monday

A little anxiety happening but I feel great and am keeping busy with lots of jobs.

I still wish that they would do a "test" that would tell me with 100% certainty that there is no cancer anywhere in my body.

I keep seeing cancer commercials and they make me nervous too.

I just don't want it to come back.....EVER!

One year

Last July 19th at this time I was still in surgery.  They worked hard to be sure to get all of the cancer out.  I think they did a great job!

I went back and read what I wrote a year ago.  I was so scared and uncertain.  It isn't that I am not afraid anymore, I am.......but I am living and except for every once in a while when the doubts and worries creep in, I am just wonderful and grateful for excellent doctors, friends, and family.

Life is good.....REALLY good.  I appreciate everything so much more as a result of going through this experience.

It's all good....

I heard from someone this week who has missed my blog.  I hadn't realized that it's been so long.  Things are good.  Really busy which helps keep my mind busy too.  I got a part time job at the Washtenaw Community College Health and Fitness Center.  I work in the Kid Zone and play with little ones while their parents work out.  I'm currently a sub and work maybe once or twice a week but it's a blast.  The little snot nosed kids keep making me sick but I still think they are fun!!!

I'm also heading up the Summer School program for Milan this summer which is also proving to be lots of work but it's going to be a great program.

We are busy in our garden too.  It's going to be a big one this year.

So you see, I'm doing well.  I am a bit frustrated that I am not doing well at dieting but I'm not giving up.  I am looking forward to a healthy summer.  Sounds good huh???

Port is OUT.....treatment is over....HOOOOOORRRRAAAAYYYY!!!

I went to meet with my oncologist last Friday and she had a wonderful surprise for me.  My last treatment (which was supposed to be yesterday) was cancelled because she re-counted them and I had already finished the year's worth.  That was such great news.

Today I went in and had the port taken out.  Much easier coming out than going in!  I have to be careful for a week but other than that, I am all set.

While at the doctors I was talking with her about some pain I've been having on my left side.  I am sure that it's just my implant but she decided to send me for an ultra sound this Friday to check out my lymph nodes.

I am relieved that they will be checked out and I trust that after they tell me it's all clear that my mind will allow me to put it aside and let it go.

Then I have a three month break with no appointments.  That will seem so very strange.  I'll get used to it!

It's been a month......time flies!

My brother is complaining that I haven't updated my blog in a while.  He also says that the picture from February is giving him bad dreams.  Here's a nice pretty picture Bob of my baby daffodils........these should not give you nightmares!

I am now down to one treatment.  I am both incredibly happy and incredibly scared.  My feelings are VERY normal so I am not fretting too much.  It's just a bit frightening that after 15 months I will be "done" with the whole thing.  I still have lingering doubts that somewhere in my body there still is some cancer.  Again, the thoughts I'm having are very normal and are ones I am working to live and deal with.

I'm feeling well.  I am slowly getting my energy back.  Some days are better than others and even though my body hurts, I still exercise every single day.  It hurts either way so I figure I might as well exercise and lose weight.  So far, so good!

The weather we've been having has helped with the sun, warmth, and blue skies....can't be down when you see beautiful little daffodils growing outside your door!

A Year Ago!

A year ago I had just had one chemo treatment and was facing five more months of it.
A year ago I went to the gym on Valentine's Day, ran my hand through my hair and came away with a clump.
A year ago I cried because I was losing my hair.
A year ago I decided to take control and turn the sadness around.
A year ago my hairdresser Janelle and some great friends (including one from Florida via Skype) joined me in a hair shaving party.
A year ago what could have been a very sad day turned into a wonderful memory.
I am very blessed.

Whitney Houston

I am so angry about the number of celebrities who have died in recent months.  Don't get me wrong....I'm sad for their families and those left behind BUT......

THEY have control of their lives.  THEY have the resources to get help.  THEY can get better.

People with cancer and other diseases have no control.  They sometimes die and can't do anything about it. They WANT to live and be with their families.

I know there's lots more to any story and celebrities have their own issues but it just makes me sad and mad.  What a waste!

Nothing to update....sorry

I'm doing well.  There's not much going on.  Saw some friends tonight at a fundraiser and they were wondering what's up so I thought you should know that I'm hanging in there and doing just fine.

I'm down to three treatments....I hope!  Achy joints continue but I'm exercising anyways.  Hurting sucks but I think it makes me feel better so I continue to do it.  Have lost over 10 pounds in the new year and that mentally has been good.

The only strange thing going on right now is that I am cold 24/7.  I wear two or three layers all the time and  cover up with blankets.  Going to give the doc a call and see what's up with that.

It's nice to see friends.  Sometime I get lonely and miss the action I'm so used to.  Applied for a job in a local library and was really hopeful but didn't even get an interview.  Was a bit depressed.  It's hard when you are used to being a viable contributor to suddenly not be wanted/needed anywhere.  Humbling.  A learning experience?  I hope so but it stinks.

I think it's time to figure out what I'm going to do with my life.  Hard, so hard.

Swimming......I love it!

I'm back to swimming as part of my exercise.  I went four nights this week.  I can't describe how much I love being in the water.  When I was really overweight it was one of the few exercises I could do that didn't hurt.  Despite looking like a beached whale I put on a suit and got in the water.  When I first started I couldn't even swim one length.  Last night I swam over a mile (78 lengths).  I feel light in the water.  It's a good feeling.  One of my goals when I lose my weight is to learn how to scuba dive.  I think it would be a blast and going somewhere warm REALLY sounds good about now.

Until I can fit in a wetsuit and look good, I'm going to keep at this.

Back to work tomorrow.....NOT!

All my school friends have to go back to work tomorrow.  I remember the feeling after having a great two week break.....NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I miss my job so very much but I always hated the idea of going back to work.  That being said, I have to do the hospital thing tomorrow and that's a pain although I can come home and crash after the infusion so that makes up for it.

The weather has been incredible even if it's not going to last.  Chloe and I have gotten a bunch of nice walks in and she sat out in the yard in the sun an hour this afternoon.  Sun and blue skies make you feel so very good.

: )

Here comes 2012!

Not too long ago a friend told me that 2012 would be my year.  While I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions (because I have NEVER, EVER stuck to them), I’ve decided to think of twelve reasons why 2012 will be my year to get healthy.

1.    I know how much better I felt when I was in the 100’s.  It’s time to get there again.  It sucks that I have to do it again but I WILL do it.

2.     I’ve been thinking of and worrying about cancer for 12 months.  Thinking about something else sounds really good about now.

3.     I’m alive.  Wouldn’t it be a shame to live out the rest of my life fat, unhealthy, achy and not able to move well?  I can’t settle for that.  I’m tougher than that.

4.     If I supposedly beat cancer I can certainly lose 100+ pounds.  Then I get my tummy tuck!  Oh boy!

5.     Despite everything, the last year went fairly fast.  12 months of losing weight shouldn’t be too bad.  It’s “just” a year!

6.     I think 2012 will be the year I learn to cook.  In everything I have read, it’s so much better for you.  I absolutely HATE to cook but I will work on it.

7.     I’m going to do 365 days straight of getting my butt up and moving.  Exercise daily makes me feel good!  It did before and will again.

8.     I need to find other things to focus on.  Giving back, helping others, keeping busy will help me take the focus OFF of food and ON to life.

9.     I am going to try not to think I have to always be in control.  I need to do better at asking for help, taking advice, and learning.

10. I’m going to track my food, check in every single day and play by the rules.  I know it works and I have to believe that if I do it I will lose the weight I want to lose.

11. By this time next year I will have 365 days of momentum going.  I like that idea.

12. No matter what obstacles I face in 2012, I won’t give up.  I will take it one day at a time and get the job done.

Happy New Year Everyone!!!

A wonderful gift

Mary Kliber and family stopped by for a little visit and Mary gave me this gift.  It's not only hilarious, it's a beautiful glass plaque that will stand up on my shelf and make me smile especially when I get to thinking about things that worry me.

Throughout the last year Mary kept in touch and always ended our conversations with a joke, silly comment, or irreverent comment about cancer or boobs.  Just what I needed and very much appreciated.

Yet another reason I have to be grateful for this Christmas!

End of the year thoughts....

I wish I could mail each and every one of you this message but there are so many I want to thank that I worry I'd forget someone.  There's lots to say about what I'm thinking about this time of year but after the new year I will reflect some more.  For now, here's my Christmas message:

Dear Friends and Family,

                  It’s hard to believe that 2011 is already over.  My year was full of incredible experiences, which may sound strange in light of the cancer diagnosis but incredible it was.

Almost a year to the day I discovered my cancer.  Initially I felt an intense fear and a great deal of anger that I had to learn to deal with.  Luckily for me I had a wonderful family and wonderful friends that stepped up and did more for me over these past twelve months than I will ever be able to repay.

While I never want to get cancer again or wish it on anyone else, the experience has changed my life forever in so many wonderful ways.  I learned that my faith in God is strong and even though I am not sure why all this has occurred, I believe that there is a plan for me and I pray daily that I can help others like I have been helped.  I know that I am meant to make a difference in some way and I am working to understand what that means and what my role is in this world.

I learned so many things in the last year.  I learned from others what it means to listen, not judge, not necessarily give your opinion, but just listen.  That means so much.  I learned from others what it means to send a card, an e-mail, even a quick text.  That means so much.  I learned from others what it means to make a little treat or pick up a surprise gift for someone.  That means so much.  I learned from others what it means to do a simple task for someone.  Things like going for a walk together, vacuuming the floor, making dinner, all mean so much.  I now know the importance and value of keeping in touch.  That means so much.  I know that it doesn’t necessarily take money but usually just a little of your time to make a difference in someone’s life.  Sometimes just a smile or a joke can change someone’s day.  I learned that you don’t necessarily know what someone else is going through but all of these things and so many more make a difference in their life.  I learned so much from all of you.

In this busy time of year we sometimes lose sight of the real meaning of Christmas but having cancer makes you appreciate the gift of life and realize that you must do whatever it takes to make a difference in the lives of others.  From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU for whatever you did this year to help me.  You inspire me to do something good with my life.  I will be forever grateful and forever honored to call you my family and friends. 

Merry Christmas!!!

Nancy

All Done!!!!!!!!!

Surgery is over and everything went well. Was able to come home early this afternoon. Amazing!!! Sure I will have some uncomfortable times but so glad to have it over. More later.

surgery

in the morning

can't sleep

scared

Fabulous Friends

Great weekend........getting nervous about my upcoming surgery so keeping busy is occupying my mind and it's a good thing.  Friday I was able to spend time with my nephew....an incredible little kid!

The girlfriends from High School came over to my place Saturday for brunch.  We've done this for so many years (I'm not sure if any of us remember how many).  Its a great time to talk, laugh, cry....little bit of everything.  It's getting funnier every year with our minds and our bodies aging and even with that, we're a good looking bunch of women!!!

Saturday night three good friends from school invited me over for a movie night and I had yet another wonderful opportunity to enjoy good company and think about other things.

things go south.........boobs too!

I love watching birds all year long but especially in the spring when they return to Michigan and in the fall when they seem to be so excited to go south to be warm.  Thinking of birds going south reminds me of boobs......I love writing about things like this because my brother reads my blog (even tho he says it's stupid) and I know that when I talk about boobs he gets grossed out.  More motivation huh???

The boobs of a 57 year old woman definately go south.  Mine were droopy and not too pretty pre-cancer.  Maybe that's one of the reasons I wasn't too devastated to lose them.  The tissue expanders have been in since July and are ok for the most part but the right one has given me grief the most (not the boob with cancer tho, that one is just fine).  The tissue expander has dropped and shifted to the side. It's NOT a pretty sight.  It did it a month or so ago and eventually went back into place.  This time it's apparently comfortable down south and isn't going to go back where it belongs.  Stupid thing!!!!!!!  It's hard to wear a bra when you have one boob out front and one down and out to the side.

Picture that.........thought that would make you smile today.

Surgery is next Thursday.  Sounds like it's a much easier surgery this time and I should be able to come home the same day if it all works out.  Recovery is slow and there are lots of restrictions for a while but that's ok.  It's will be done and then my life will be mine once again for the most part.

The mental part is still tricky.  I want a test that will definitively say I have no cancer in any part of my body.  There is no such thing.  I have to accept that.  Hard, very hard.

Working on it!

Thanksgiving......

........so thankful for so many little things over the past few days........was able to spend time with family and enjoy a delicious meal cooked by my sister yesterday.  I was able to talk to my friend Lynn in Florida, Beverly in Indiana, my Aunt Julie in Lansing, my nephew Tim in Atlanta, my brother Bob, Merri, and Ben in Chelsea, Joan in California and Kris in Arizona (not in person but we texted).  Called Julie in St. Louis but will have to catch up with her this weekend.  A really nice surprise was a phone call from Mr. Stanley (I can call him Don but...) who hired me as a teacher in 1976.  A man who helped me so much over the years and I loved catching up with him.  I saw my cousin Rob, Val, and Chloe and Jack on Wednesday for a short time.  I received texts from other friends and neighbors too.  I am so thankful for the people in my life.

I'm feeling good right now except for the achy joints but I'm learning to deal with it as good as I can since it will be around for a while.  Lots of doctor's appointments coming up in preparation for the next surgery on December 8th.

Enjoying the sunny day today.  Wish I had some money to shop with (not that you'd find me out with all the crowds today!)

It's Already November!

My how time flies when you're having fun.  Actually last week was one of the first weeks in over ten months that I had no doctors appointments and treatments.  It was really, really nice.  It probably doesn't sound like a big deal but it was.

This week, back at it but far fewer things to do.  Working hard on diet and exercise.  Joints still hurt a bunch but I figure they hurt if I do exercise and they hurt if I don't exercise so I decided that I might at well keep exercising.  Sucks but it is what it is.