A GREAT Weekend! (one more thing to be grateful for)

Spent a long weekend with my family, cousins, and their kids up at cousin Rob and Val's lovely home on Lake Leelanau.  There were 18 of us together for the first time in a very long time.  My Aunt Jan was my mom's sister and my very favorite aunt growing up.  She passed away from pancreatic cancer at the age of 56 and I miss her so very much.  Her kids......Rob, Tim, and Kris have grown up into wonderful adults and have special families of their own.  Aunt Jan would be so proud of them all!!!  Spending time with all them (and my sister and brother) made for a  wonderful weekend.  We talked, laughed, looked at old family pictures......really great.

The kids ranged in age from 4 to 19 and I enjoyed getting to know them again too.  They are funny, smart, each has their own personality, and they are all so well behaved....another reason why Aunt Jan would be so proud.

Waiting for surgery is a pain but having this time together helped me tremendously to "forget" and appreciate the gift of family.  Memories of this weekend will be with me always.

I'm sorry Tigers, it's not your fault!

Dan , Karen, Bob, and I decided to go to the Tiger game tonight.  We went to a game last year that was rained out.....or at least we left after waiting two hours for them to resume and it was only after we left that they played the game.

So tonight there was a "slight" chance of rain.  Well let me tell you, the monsoon delayed the game for over 2 1/2 hours.  I am not sure that I have ever been as wet as I was at this game.  My shirt needed to be wrung out it was so wet.

This is one of the times that NOT having hair was a benefit.....  : )  Didn't look like a drowned rat like many people did!!!  Ha!

The game that started at 7:05 and was delayed in the middle of the third inning, resumed at 10:40.  After the fourth inning the score was 12 - 0. Pathetic!  (final score was 15 - 3, oh my!) We left at that point.  Tonight was floppy hat night....hence the goofy looking people in the picture.  It was really a fun evening.  Good to spend time with friends.  People were in a good mood and just kind of going with the flow.  Not much else you could do.

I'm not sure that Dan, Karen, Bob, and I will be going to anymore Tiger games though.  We don't seem to bring good weather with us.  Maybe it's our fault they lost.  Oh my!

Doctors are interesting

Don't get me wrong, I think all of my doctors are excellent and I appreciate the things that have done and are doing for me.

That being said, I think sometimes doctors forget that even though they have done the things that they are doing hundreds of times, this is my FIRST time of going through it and I am scared, confused, and need help understanding what is going to happen.

I met with my surgeon today and she went over what will be happening on July 19th.  Ewwwwww!  Actually it sounds pretty ok.  I told her that I just wanted to wake up.  She answered all of my questions and I think I understand what will be going on for the most part.  I meet with the plastic surgeon on the 12th so that will answer the rest of what I need to know.

Now I just wait.......I don't like waiting.......at all.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste, even when it's driving you crazy!

Ok so I may be thinking and worrying a bit too much........ya think??????

I was worried about the echocardiogram and then I got it in my head that the tumor was changing/growing.  I sort of freaked out so I called Dr. Beekman on Friday and she was able to see and reassure me.

The echo results are ok as far as surgery goes.  The number is low but not in a dangerous way and the only reason she decided to delay the Herceptin treatment was to be extra cautious.

She didn't think the tumor had grown but decided to send me for a mammogram and ultra sound.  I had both of them today and they believe that the tumor has gotten smaller but because in December it was more of a solid mass and today it was more shadowy, it's not easy to measure.  The lymph nodes on the mammogram showed a few small ones but on the ultra sound they found no strange looking lymph nodes.  That's really good.

I meet with my surgeon on Friday to get more information and then I just have to wait until surgery on the 19th and not THINK too much in the meantime.  I can do it, I know I can.

oh come on..............

My oncologist called me and said that they can't continue my treatments (the one they are going to do every three weeks for a year) because the echocardiogram I had on Monday came back showing a "slight' concern.  It seems that one of the aspect of the test, the ejection fracture, dropped 9% since the last time they did an echo.  This tells how efficient your heart can pump.  Mine is just a little low.  They aren't too worried about the number  but the fact that it dropped 9%.  The plan is to give my heart a chance to rest and delay treatment until another echo shows that it has come back up.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.  I asked if it means I should not exercise and they said no.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I won't know if this could/will impact surgery until I meet with the surgeon next Friday but IT BETTER NOT delay the surgery or I will get really pissy!  (although I guess it's important to have your heart healthy before surgery but come on...........)

Time with the girls

We did an overnight trip to Duck Lake.  Spent time on the boat, watching six baby swans, seeing a plane land on the lake, celebrated three birthdays, ate WAY too much, and most importantly laughed at all the goofy things 57 year old women do...... this time together is priceless!

Last treatment

Took a picture on the first day of chemo and again today on my last day.  I'm done with chemo forever.  A BIG thank you to my sister, Connie Lou (she hates when I call her that) for being with me every step of the way throughout this process.

Next step, surgery on July 19th so I have a month to relax and get my body ready for surgery.  Lots of doctors appointments but other than that, a good amount of time to relax.

HOOOOOOORRRAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!

Funky mood today, been a while

I have been hanging in there and been ok lately.  Today I am struggling a bit.  End of the school year, leaving my school forever.....that's one thing.

#2 Went to a dermatologist today for a skin cancer screening and he found and biopsied two spots that look "suspicious."  I just don't need one more thing to worry or think about right now.

#3 Not sleeping again at night....grrrrrrrr.

#4 It's Thursday and my body is fighting back......it'll get better tomorrow.


Ok, done with the pity party now!

We are down to just ONE treatment left

Can you believe it?  Way back on January 28th when I had my first treatment  I thought five months was going to be forever and now its almost over.  I even asked the nurse if they could double up this week so I could be done.  Guess it doesn't work that way so next Monday, June 13th by this time I will be done with chemo (and it BETTER mean done forever and ever with chemo).


SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

What lovely weather we are having!

A few happy pictures........flowers that make me smile and Milan fireworks.

It doesn't get much better than this!  Life is good!

Only two to go......

My brother Bob was my chemo buddy today (Connie had to work) and he said he would be honored to do it as long as he didn't have to see me naked!  Wierdo!!!

He was a good chemo buddy even though he didn't bring me any snacks and he played a race car game on his I Pad WAAAAAYYYYY to much.

My Garden

I am the most NON green thumb person I know.  I have one house plant that I am doing a good job of killing as I write this.  Now why would a person who has no natural talent for growing things decide to have a vegetable garden this summer????

I usually go away for much of the summer but because of the upcoming medical crap, I can't go away this summer.  I decided that I need something to occupy my mind and occupy my time.  Along with some of my neighbors, we have put together some raised beds and started gardens.


I've spent several evenings getting the beds ready and getting the plants planted.  I can barely move my body tonight but the garden is looking very nice if I d say so myself!!!  Here's a few pictures taken from the inside (since the weather seems to be not cooperating too well).  I will post some better ones when it stops raining.

I will have tomatoes, lettuce, broccoli, cauliflower, peppers, zucchini, summer squash, onions, a raspberry bush, and some strawberries.

Even though I have never done something like this before, I am REALLY excited.

Three more....long day...tired.

Can you tell we're related???

Tim decided a while back that he was tired of fussing with his hair and he shaved it short.  Of course I made fun of him....little did I know that one day I would look just like him!  Ha!  Here's a picture of us on our recent trip to Atlanta.

I made the decision to not wear a wig on this trip....just too much work and Tim was ok with it!  It is interesting the reaction you get without hair.  It makes me wonder if before I lost my hair if I looked funny or noticed people without hair.  I bet I did.  It's not that people are being mean, it's the stares that surprise me.  I guess I forget that I look different so when people look, I forget why.

Going through security at the airport in Atlanta was interesting too.  The screener asked if I would take off my hat and I said "I'd rather not." and he was ok with that but the guy by the machine said that I had to pat my hat down so I lifted up my hat, showed him that there was nothing hidden, and he quickly rushed me through.  Adults are so uncomfortable with things like this.

Kids on the other hand are up front and out there.  The second graders came to visit Symons and one second grader as he was leaving came up to me and asked, "Are you bald?" and I said "Yup."  He smiled and said, "Ok."

I am learning so much about myself, about life, and about people throughout this process.  It's life-changing in so many ways, most of them good!

Holy Cow.... only FOUR left!

Just spent a long weekend in Atlanta with Con, Bill, Greg, Grandma Koczman, and Aunt Doris.  Aimee and Jason were there too.  We went to visit Tim and celebrate his graduation from the University of Georgia where he got his MBA.  We are all so proud of him not to mention that he maintained a 4.0 throughout the entire Master's program.....hard to do but he's a hard worker!  Picture of us will be posted as soon as Aimee and Connie get them to me.

While there we toured the CNN building, went to the Georgia Aquarium, went to a Braves game, went to the Georgia Botanical Gardens, can't remember what else, and walked everywhere......seriously.  I was soooo tired (all of us were) but it was so very worth it to be all together.

Chemo went well once again.    : )

We're down to five treatments!

HOORAY!!!  Chemo went well again.  Blood counts a little off but that's to be expected.  I was talking to Con on the way to the hospital about the fact that my eyelashes and eyebrows are going too and that I look butt ugly (no, I am not fishing for compliments).  Con informed me that I was not that pretty before all of this....or something similar, although she will deny it!

When we went to see Dr. Beekman I told her that her stupid medicine was making my eyelashes fall out and I told her what Connie said....she got good chuckle out of that.  I asked her if she could give Connie some "happy pills" like she gave me since she is being mean to me.  Don't think she is going to.

June 13th is the last treatment.  Time IS passing.  I like that!

Happy Mother's Day!

To all the mothers of the world, happy, happy day whether you are a mother of children, dogs, a school full of children..........no matter, you still make a difference.  It's been a lovely weekend.  The sun sure does make a difference in how you feel.  Chloe and I have gone for many nice walks this weekend.


I have an abundance of birds at my feeders right now.  My favorites are the goldfinches.  They are beautiful and so pretty to watch.

Lots to be grateful for.....keep looking to find things to continue the positive thoughts.  Yesterday I talked with a lady at the gym.  Don't know her name but we've said hi to every Saturday for as long as I can remember (guess I should ask her name huh?).  Anyways, she stopped me as I was leaving and asked about what is going on with me.  In talking to her I found out that her sister-in-law is going through the exact same thing that I am going through.  Same cancer, same treatment, same doctor.......strange isn't it.  She's about a month ahead of me but has had much more difficulty with being sick and so once again, I am so GRATEFUL that I am tolerating chemo so well.  Need to remember that when I am feeling frustrated......could be so much worse.

Going to spend lots of time outside today.  Think I will get my bike tires pumped up and go for a ride.  It's WAAAYYYYYYY to nice to exercise inside.

Or maybe a little nap in the sun would be a good idea.  So many options.  Hmmmmm!

Weight, Dieting, Health........I'm screwing up!

I have cancer.  I cannot control that, but I am also fat, have gained a BUNCH of weight back that I worked so hard to lose, and THAT I CAN CONTROL.  There are days that I don't feel good and just don't care what I eat but for the most part chemo hasn't affected my appetite so that's not an excuse.  I am trying to appreciate the good things about chemo (and the fact that it could be so much harder).....one friend who works in the district is also battling cancer and was at chemo the past two weeks with me....he has lost so much weight (ok, so I may secretly have prayed that would happen to me), he has had to have all of his teeth removed, and he is really struggling but is still hanging in there.  I have NO excuse!

I am so incredibly frustrated with myself.  I keep making excuses and keep gaining.  I do good for a day or two and then stop and go back to my old habits.  The roller coaster of success and failure gets me down and it gets harder and harder each time to get back up and try again.  I feel like I am letting myself down, Tony down, the doctors down.......it's driving me crazy yet if I am honest with myself, I know exactly what to do.

Talked with Tony (the F.A.S.T. Diet guru) today finally.  Working with him over the past several years helped me get under 200 pounds.  Unfortunately I started making exceptions and excuses last summer and started gaining back weight.  Can't blame the cancer on that one!  He pisses me off because he knows me so well but he gave me lots to think about and I have to decide that it's time to get back in control.

I know logically that losing weight before surgery will only help me and make surgery easier.  I have 77 days until surgery.  If I get serious and do what I KNOW I can do (because I did it before), I can make a huge dent on losing what I have put back on.  I am angry that I have to re-lose weight again but as Tony said, that's the cards I've been dealt and I just have to get on with it.

So here's what I plan to do.......(in case anyone wants to join me, it would be great) I am going to start tracking my food, I am going to push myself to get in my exercise every day (even on days when I feel like crap I have to do something) and I am going to check in with Tony every day.  I have to be accountable to myself and get something started before I spiral out of control and gain everything back that I lost...now THAT would be a real shame.

I know if I get back in control of my food the mental relief will help me in so many ways.  I need this.  I want this.  I will do this.  I have control over this part of my life!!!

TBC....hopefully soon you'll be seeing less of me.

Six More Weeks To Go

Not bad huh? 77 days till surgery. Five months till radiation. Seven or more months for more reconstructive surgery. Time is passing........sometimes WAYYYY to slow for me but it is passing.

One day at a time right? When I first started chemo it was five MONTHS. Now I just have six weeks left to go. There are days when it seems insurmountable but then there are days I see that time is moving and I am surviving.

So incredibly tired and achy tonight. Please sleep, come to me now!

Later......it's going on 1:00 and I am still awake.  Chloe has decided that she is going to be sick tonight.  So far she has gone outside and eaten grass three times and has yet to throw up.  COME ON BABY....puke!!!    I'm supposed to be getting up as 5:35 and going to the gym with Paula.  Not sure if that will happen (sorry Paula if I bail on you......I really need to go though so we shall see.

Don't wanna go to..........

As a kid I remember complaining that I didn't want to go to school on Monday.  As a teacher I remember complaining that I didn't want to go to work on Monday.  Now I am saying that I don't want to go to chemo on Monday.  I sense a similar pattern here!

I think the chemo is just getting harder and harder so I am not looking forward to doing it again even though I don't have the option.  I sure wished the sun would come out today.  That would help me feel less funky!  Don't have control over that either.  Hmmmmmmm!

The Mind.........

Seven treatments to go.  Today went really fast.  I hadn't slept well last night so I slept during chemo (sorry Con) but she had to wake me up one time for a little snore.

Last night was one of those nights.  Had a great Easter with my sister and family (minus Timothy) even though I missed my brother and his family.  However, when it was time to sleep, it just didn't happen.  For whatever reason the meds I am taking to help me sleep just did NOTHING.  Wide awake for a long, long time.  Thinking a great deal about death over the past few weeks.  I have always had issues/fears/concerns... about death but things over the past few weeks have brought it to the forefront.  One friend recently lost her husband to cancer, another friend lost her adult son to suicide, and another family lost their much loved family dog.

Its not that I am naive enough to believe that death isn't part of life.  I know that I could walk out the door tomorrow and get hit by a car.  I know that people die all of the time.  I get that.  I just don't want to die for a VERY, VERY long time and I am scared that if my cancer doesn't get stopped, I won't be able to be here to do the things I still want to do.

I am ok tho, I'm here, alive, feeling good after chemo (those steroids are so nice), and getting sleepy.  Life is good tonight!!!

Kids Who Make A Difference!

We all too often hear about all of the bad things going on in the world and especially of the negative things kids do.  We have LOTS of great kids in Milan and here's something special about one of them!!!


It's a picture of Lia Iverson, a fourth grader from Symons, who has been in my after school health and fitness program for the past two years and decided to have her hair cut off and donate it to "Locks of Love" in my honor.  She's a really special young lady and comes from a great family.  


Here's a great picture Lia's dad took of us today with her hair!  I am deeply touched and honored by Lia's incredible gift.  It's something I will never forget.  


Thanks Lia!  I love that you care about others.  You are a special young lady and I love you.

Eight down, eight to go, halfway through chemo....YES!!!

Met with the doctor today and she seems to think the tumor is changing and is pleased.  I haven't felt much difference but was glad that since she hasn't seen me in an month and saw/felt some changes, I have to believe and trust that it's getting smaller.

Was also able to talk with her about the emotional aspect (she says I am VERY normal) and we are trying yet another thing that may help me sleep.  Hope so.

Lynn went with me to chemo (gave Con a break today although we were texting most of the time so she couldn't have had much of a break.)  It was scheduled for 11:00 which was much later than usual and they didn't get to me until noon so it made for a very long day but everything went well.

I am 57 today....hooray!!!

Started the day at the gym....only negative so far was having to put "57" on the treadmill instead of "56."  Ha!!!

I decided to write about what I have to be grateful for.  Here's some of the reasons I came up with to celebrate today.................

1.  I AM ALIVE

2.  I have a great sister and brother and other supportive family members too

3.  I have three darling nephews (I don't see nearly enough but enjoy them when I do)

4.  I have so many incredibly thoughtful caring friends who are helping me fight this stupid cancer

5.  Getting cancer has finally helped get me to the doctor and not be so afraid (I still don't like it though)

6.  I am not so afraid of needles anymore

7.  I am surviving chemo with very few side effects

8.  I have a wonderful dog who loves me bald

9.  I can still exercise most days and walk Chloe everyday (wish the food part were that easy)

10.  I have many things I love to do including reading,

11.  writing,

12.  knitting,

13.  listening to music,

14.  taking walks,

15.  traveling,

16.  shopping,

17.  being with friends,

18.  talking on the phone,

19.  looking at the eagle cam online (still want to see one for real up close though)

20.  watching reality TV shows and movies

21.  scrap booking, although I need to get going on this

22.  driving anywhere and everywhere

23.  going to Tiger games

24.  .............. and so many more things

25.  I got to retire this year but still come to work and be with great staff and kids a few days a week

26.  I get hugs from kids every single day I work...... that's so GREAT

27.  The doctors continue to say I will beat cancer...I really want to believe them

28.  I have my sense of humor (most days)

29.  I love flowers, especially daffodils

28.  I love sunshine and warm weather, especially if it comes more than one day in a row!

29.  I love Tiger baseball

30.  I love Michigan State basketball

31.  I have a lovely home and great neighbors

32.  I have a best friend in Florida who lets me come visit whenever I can get there

33. I miss my mom so very much but am glad that she doesn’t have to go through this cancer with me…. she would have worried WAY too much

34.  Even though my body aches most days from chemo, I can still do anything I want to do

35.  I still have my eyelashes and eyebrows…. so far  : )

36.  I am getting used to the idea of being bald, good timing since when it gets hot outside I don’t think wearing a wig is going to happen

37.  The sun is out today

38.  The grass is starting to turn green

39.  Birds are building a nest in my awning once again this year….they make a mess but the babies are darling

40.  I have goldfinches coming to my bird feeder and they are starting to turn yellow

41.  I love animals……birds, whales, elephants are my favorites

42.  I have had the opportunity during my life to visit many of the 50 states and even a few other countries….still lots more places I want to go…..Hawaii to see the whales is one of them

43.  I love to listen to music and sing (loudly when I am alone)

44.  I was able to complete a half-marathon a few years ago and that had been a life-long dream….. not sure what my next challenge will be after I beat cancer

45.  I love magical moments.  There are magical things all around us each and every day if we just look for them…..spiders weaving incredible webs,

46.  fireflies in the summer,

47.  snowflakes that are beyond miraculous,

48.  sunrises and sunsets

49.  ….… there are so many things to be grateful for (was going to try to get to 57 but it’s too nice out and I want to go for a walk)

50.  Birthdays are fun, even when you are 57!

Another one bites the dust.....

Nine to go.  Went quickly today.

Next week I get to talk to doctor.  Need to get some answers about what's going on (or shall I say what's NOT going on) so I look forward to that.

These weekly treatments are starting to piss me off!!!

I just am SO done with this......seriously!  I am exhausted, can't sleep, don't have the energy to do anything that lasts more than a few minutes.  I feel like I am 80 years old.  I just finish with one treatment on Monday, then I have to get blood work on Friday (which they can't seem to get out of me again), and then it's Monday all over again..........bother, crap, $%*#%@#$!

Not to mention that nothing is happening to the tumor.  I'm trying to be patient it's really disheartening.

On a positive note, it was pretty outside today.  It sure is hot to have anything on my head tho....gonna go bald I think!

Six down, ten to go.

Man, a week goes by quickly.  Things went well again today.  Even took lots less time.  Very sad that they are so busy in there.  So many people with cancer.

I love the pre-drugs that make me sleepy.  I even dozed a bit today.  Can't believe with it as busy an noisy that I did.  Con said I didn't snore.  Hopefully she's telling the truth!!!  Think I was tired since I didn't sleep much last night.

Now if the gloomy weather would go away we could have a nice week off!!!

Another day!

I am so damn tired of being emotional.  I know I get this way when I am overtired but I am SO SICK OF IT.  Met with the plastic surgeon today.  Thought I had it all figured out (there I go thinking I am in control again) and everything I thought was going to happen was basically changed today.  I really liked the plastic surgeon but he said that because of my weight, the procedure that I was hoping for, and planing on, would be far too risky.  It just hit me really hard.  I have worked hard for several years to get the weight off and it just isn't good enough.

The best part of the day was having some really kind friends and a super sister who listened to me talk, cry, and get it out.  I continue to be so blessed....even when I am emotional.

Five Down, Eleven to go!

LOOONNNGGGG day but I didn't have a reaction to the new drugs so that was very good.  It will be another long week next Monday but then if I still don't have a reaction it will get much faster after that.

Weekly treatments will be a pain but things are moving along.  Meet with a plastic surgeon tomorrow to talk about my new boobs.  Fun!

Happy Hour in the Villages!

Had a blast in Florida. It was sunny and 85 degrees every day. Sorry the weather in Michigan was stinky! Here's a picture of us having a margarita.  It was wonderful to relax and spend time with Lynn!

My bald head was safe with really good sunscreen but it was nice to feel and be in the sun.  I didn't realize how much I needed to just get away and stop thinking about everything.

New drugs and weekly treatments start Monday the 28th.  I am a little nervous about the possibility of a reaction.  I know the risk is very small but once again, the fear of the unknown and the realization of three months without a break is creeping into my mind and taking over.  STOP!!!!!!!!!

Time for a break....YES!!!

Made it through the last of what I "believe" will be my yucky weeks.  It was the roughest yet.  The fatigue hit hard.  It's really hard to describe the feeling I had....like I just couldn't move.  It's just so incredibly strange.  I even took naps this week and I NEVER do that.  Didn't really help much but had to try.

The mental part got to me again this week.  There are so many stories, commercials, and information about cancer on TV.  So many stories about people losing their battle with cancer.  I just got scared again.  Really scared.  I think the fact that the tumor isn't responding to the chemo yet makes me question everything once again.  I am trying to believe, I am trying to have faith, but it is so incredibly hard.

The best news I have is that I am getting away for a few days.  I have until the 28th until the weekly treatments start and once that happens I will be tied down for three months so this is the PERFECT time to escape.  I found really cheap flights to Florida and will be leaving for a few days to stay with Lynn at her place in Florida.  She has a pool, I have my sunscreen, the temps will be in the 80's........don't think it can get much better than that!!!

Not sure I will post anything (unless it's a lovely picture by her pool to make you all jealous....sorry, I know that's hateful but they said I can be a bitch, remember!)  Seriously, maybe a sunny picture will make you feel better about all of the rain and sleet you are going to have this week.  Sorry about that!

Check out my dammit doll!

This the message that came with it.....very funny!  Thanks Dawn, it makes me laugh every time I look at it.

When you're feeling angry
And you just need to vent.
When your body is tired
And your mind is spent.

When you want to climb the wall,
And stand right up and shout.
There's a little Dammit Doll
You cannot do without.

Just grasp it firmly by the legs,
And fina a place to slam it.
And as you whack the stuffing out
Yell, "Dammit, Dammit, Dammit!"

If dammit is not a word you say
Then twist it's little neck
And grumble out repeatedly
"Oh Heck, Oh Heck, Oh Heck!"

Copyright © 2007 Busy Fingers Crafts
Do Not Copy


Very funny.  Things like this help me keep my sense of humor.  Headed back to St. Joe's today for another echocardiogram.  I guess the next round of chemo drugs is hard on your heart so they need to double check to be sure my heart is still ok after the first round.  I am just FINE!!!

Four down, 12 to go.

Round one done.  I feel such incredible relief.  Had fun today.  Connie was reading and so my entertainment was interrupting her.  Sad huh?  The nurse asked Connie if she was my daughter...........SERIOUSLY??????????  Of course that made Connie's day and pissed me off.  Not really, she was a really nice nurse and things went well.  I know I have to get through the end of the week and feeling yucky but knowing that I am done with these two drugs makes me really happy.

Dawn Peacock stopped by to visit.  She's been through this and has been a big support so it was nice to see her.  She gave me something called "A Dammit Doll."  Hilarious!  I will take a picture and write the message in the next day or so.

I went to lunch with Con and Betty Koczman (who I haven't seen in a long time) and it was a really nice time.  Ended the meal with this incredible brownie bite.  TOTALLY worth the calories and a good way to celebrate the end of round #1.

Chemo tomorrow....hooorayyyyyy!

Kinda pathetic isn't it?  I am excited about chemo tomorrow because it means the first round is going to be over.  YES!!!

Met with a different surgeon today

I think I am going to like her.  She does a lot more breast surgery and spent a good deal of time answering questions and helping me understand things.  I feel MUCH better about her than the first surgeon we met with so..........here's a tentative plan for "after chemo."

My last chemo treatment is scheduled for Monday, June 13th (OH  HELL  YES  I  AM  LOOKING  FORWARD  TO  THAT  DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I will have to let me body recover for a month which means that surgery at the earliest will be July 13th (which is Connie's birthday and she said I cannot do it on that day) so sometime after the middle of July will be surgery.

I will be in the hospital anywhere from 2-? days depending on what they decide to do.

Recovery from surgery and healing will take 8 weeks (seriously, that seems like a really long time) which puts it mid to late September.

Radiation will start mid to late September and last for seven weeks sooooooooo.......

.....that means the earliest this crap will be done is mid November.........stupid cancer!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I am at least glad that I have more information and that I have a rough idea of what will be happening.  I also already have an appointment with a plastic surgeon later this month.  That'll be fun picking out new boobs huh?

Rainy Days....love them

Day off, sitting in my chair, reading a really good book, snuggled under a blanket, listening to the rain

..... cancer isn't making me mad today

.....I am not thinking about it!

Better day

So many of you were wondering what was up with me.  Yesterday was a little frustrating.  Took a really long time, every time I get settled and started on something, they come to do something else....just not very patient.  Meeting with Dr. Beekman was a little frustrating too because the tumor is apparently not shrinking and the breast itself is different.  It's a little disheartening when you are going through this and it's not getting better.  She's thinking of possibly not doing the last treatment and just starting the other one.  Just not sure what's up.

But today it was nice to see the kids and staff.  The after school group was treated to a yoga lesson and they were PERFECT.  So totally into what she was doing and every one of them tried so hard.

Then I got home and my sister told me to look at her farm in Farm Town (a really cool I Pad app) and check out what she did with her crops!!!
The purple flowers say "Love U"

What a special sister I have!!!  I have a pretty special brother too.

Three down, thirteen to go.

Not much to say.  Really restless today.  Things ok overall.  Only one more of this round to go.  THAT'S good!

Almost a week has flown by

No excuse for not posting this week.  Not much going on except for snow.  Don't get me wrong, I love snow....but even I have had enough for this year.  Chloe does too.....she's having trouble with the snow "mountains" in our neighborhood.  Hard to do your thing if you get my drift.  Ha!

I am looking forward to Monday and treatment #3.  Strange to say I am excited huh but it means only one more left of this round after Monday.  The next three month weekly round isn't supposed to make you feel yucky (more fatigue than anything) so I look forward to that.  Not looking forward to weekly treatments however.

One good thing is that they were able to get blood on Friday out of my port for the first time without a big production.  I had a different nurse who had me start taking very deep breaths while she was getting set up....in through my nose, out through my mouth as deeply as I could.  I kept doing it the whole time and it worked.

Besides being tired, the only issue I continue to have is being able to sleep.  I can't seem to turn off my brain long enough to get to sleep and I wake up regularly throughout the night.  Dr. Beekman is working with me to figure something out but so far nothing seems to be working.  Right now it's not a huge issue because I feel pretty good but when treatments go to weekly and the major side effect is fatigue, it's going to get harder.  Oh well, at least I'm not throwing up.

Trying to get motivated to go to the gym.  No excuse but I just want to stay snuggled with Chloe and not  move.  THAT'S not going to help me lose weight though.  Bye!

note to self....

......remember that next time on days 4 and 5 I will feel like crap, be emotional, cry at any stupid little thing, feel like I've been run over by a truck and desperate to get my life back.

....but on day 6 I will feel much better.

Message from a student.............kids are incredible!

I received this message last night from a parent (Melissa Buie) who has a daughter at Symons and she is in my after school program.  I talked with the kids in the group about my hair loss and shared how I felt.  This is the conversation between Melissa and her daughter............incredible!!!

"Amanda talked to me tonight about you losing your hair.  She was sad about it and asked if you'd be ok and if it hurt you to lose it.  I told her you were going to be just fine because there are so many people who love you and say prayers for you.  I told her it made you sad but it didn't hurt you physically.  She thought about it a minute then asked if she could grow her hair out again and donate it to Locks of Love to make you a wig.  She donated her hair about a year ago and was so proud to be helping someone else with her donation.  I told her she could absolutely grow her hair out and donate it again and in the meantime, she could keep saying prayers that you will be ok.  She told me she would and even if you talk quietly, God can hear your whispers.  So, when you're feeling sad, just remember there is a little girl out there waiting to give you her hair and whispering her prayers that you will be just fine.  Have a peaceful night Nancy.  Love, Melissa and Amanda."

Life doesn't get much better that this!

A Valentine's Day I Will NEVER Forget!

The day started out sad with the realization that the hair was falling out.  Chemo was next.  But my day ended perfectly and even though there may be hundreds of things I'd rather be doing on Valentine's Day, it was the most memorable one of my life.  Here are some pictures of what happened.   Thanks to Lisa and Connie for their great pictures.

The first picture is of my hairdresser Janelle Kimberly who works at Brown and Deline on the west side of Ann Arbor. I told her that I wanted to post her picture as a way of getting more clients....see the good work she does???  Actually, she is wonderful and I don't know too many hairdressers who do house calls.  Pretty special lady and I highly recommend her!





The second picture is of the cake that Karen baked (heart shaped of course) and brought complete with ice cream........it HAD to be a party right?








Lynn couldn't be here in person so we set her up on Skype and she joined us complete with scull cap, large flower in her hair, and glass of    
wine.....which seemed to refill automatically.  Her wit, smart ass comments and support kept us all laughing!





Let the shaving begin....  I always was intrigued with the mohawk hair cuts sported by boys at school so I asked Janelle if she'd give me one.

Still don't see what boys see in this.  Not sure I like this look!







Here she goes.  This picture shows the realization that it was really going to happen.  I am soooooooo glad that Connie, Lisa, Julie, and Karen (and Lynn) were there along with Janelle and I or I think it would have been sad.

The only one who had a problem with the hair cut was Chloe.  She wouldn't come near me.  I finally got down on the floor and got close to her and talked to her.  After a minute, she came close to my head, sniffed it a bit and then licked my head.  She is better today but still loos at me funny!



Here's the gang!  No one volunteered to shave their hair along with me so I had to settle for them wearing goofy hats instead.

Julie even drew a pink heart on my head (wouldn't THAT be a fun activity for kids???)

MY ABSOLUTELY FAVORITE PICTURE OF MY SISTER CONNIE AND ME!!!!!

I arrived at school this morning and was greeted by nine staff members who were wearing wigs.  I'm happy to report that I believe that MY wig looks the best!!!

I am the luckiest woman alive!!!

Two Down, Fourteen To Go!!!

Treatment #2 went well.  Hard to concentrate but things went well.  Had to draw blood for the Genetic Testing and once again, they had trouble getting it to come out.  Connie enjoyed watching me raise my right arm, look to the left, and cough non-stop.......isn't your chemo buddy supposed to be NICE????

Day started really rough.  Was at the gym and ran my hand through my hair and came away with a bunch of hair.  Took a shower and lots more fell out....sooooooo thin and I started crying.  I knew it was coming but still was not ready for it.  I decided that I want to control it (go figure) so I am having it shaved off tonight.  I think that clumps falling out and bald spots would be even harder to take so it's going all at once.  Having a few friends over to document the "event" and will post once I get used to it.  Going to wear a wig to school tomorrow.  We'll see.  Little nervous.

What a GREAT Day!

Over the past month we've established that I am a very fortunate person with lots of caring friends and family members.  These wonderful women above are part of that group.  We all graduated from High School together in 1972 (yes, I know that's before some of you were born......shut up!) and we have kept in touch since then.  We actually get together at Christmas every year and for the past 15 or so years (can't remember exactly) have gone on a summer trip together.  Pretty remarkable group and I treasure their friendship.  We met for lunch today and they all sported the pin to the right....VERY special.  I also got a new cool looking hat and even some "bangs" to attach to a hat.....that's going to be fun!  I always love spending time together but today was very special time and yet another wonderful memory of the girls.

On another note.......still have my hair.  Hmmmm!  Had an interesting blood draw through my port yesterday.  They couldn't get any blood out of it.  Not sure what was going on.  They finally tipped me back in the chair, put my feet up, had me turn my head to the left, and cough for a while.  I think they were messing with me!!!  Got blood out though.  Interesting.

Day 14....still have my hair.....hmmmm!

My brother Bob says my blog is boring so I told him about where I AM losing hair and now he won't talk to me.  Enough said.  He asked for it!!!

Tomorrow (Friday) is a blood draw (the first time in my port which makes me nervous) and then Monday is treatment #2.  It seems like such a LONG time since the first one.  I think it's because I have felt so good.

Waiting sucks.

Teachers DO make a difference!

I am not talking about just me and I always knew this but since being diagnosed I have heard from so many former students wishing me well and telling me the strangest things they remember about being in my classroom.

I am so proud to be able to communicate with them, love to hear about what they are doing and how they have become incredible adults, and that they care enough to keep in touch with former teachers.

So all you teachers out there (and parents who "teach" all the time)....even on days when the little darlings drive you crazy....know that you ARE making a difference in their lives and you never know exactly what will get through to them and what they will remember so just don't quit trying!!!

crabby and pissy and bitchy....oh my

What is WRONG with me?  I hollered at my hair in the shower this morning....seriously.  I told it that if it was going to fall out to just do it and get it done.

I realized that I still have another week to go before treatment (they've now moved to Monday....Valentine's Day, whoopee).  I don't want to do this anymore.  I know I have no options but I WANT TO BE DONE!!!!

Ok, enough of the pity party.

On a humorous note.....I wonder if when I lose all of my hair I will lose all of the little nose hairs too????  That's a good thing right?

What Cancer CANNOT Do

I wish I could take credit for writing this but I received this message in a card  and loved it....thanks Hayley!

Cancer is so limited.....

It cannot cripple LOVE.
It cannot shatter HOPE.
It cannot corrode FAITH.
It cannot destroy PEACE.
It cannot kill FRIENDSHIP.
It cannot suppress MEMORIES.
It cannot silence COURAGE.
It cannot invade the SOUL.
It cannot steal ETERNAL LIFE.
It cannot conquer the SPIRIT.


The messages written in cards and the messages written by friends are so powerful.  I've learned that I need to do a far better job of sending cards in the future.  They are so special!

LOVE the snow!

Isn't living in Michigan wonderful?  I really love sitting here looking outside while snuggling with Chloe and knitting a scarf.  Life is good.

Well I guess by now it's safe to say I made it through the first round of chemo with very little problem.  Hope I'm not tempting fate but I am so glad.  Little tired but no throwing up.......HOORAY!!!!!!

I think something is going on with my head....scalp feels strange and hair is limp.  Guess that's the look of things to come.  Oh well.  I will deal with it.

Stay warm today!  Enjoy the snow!!!

Still hanging in here

Feeling a little funky today but nothing I can't handle so far.  Thanks for all of the texts, e-mails, and messages checking up on me.  Had to go get the Neulasta shot today....supposedly helps with white blood cell count but will make my body sore tomorrow.....we'll see.  My chest is really sore from the "little" port procedure.  The whole thing is turning purple...sooooo pretty.  Can't imagine when they do the REAL surgery.  They'd better have some really good drugs for that.

Got a little freaked out while trying to figure out insurance stuff.  It seems that every single time that I see the doctor, I will have to pay $30.  I may also have to pay $150 for each of the tests I've had.  I can't even imagine how people do this without insurance. I know it'll all work out and it's not like I have a choice.......but it scares me.  Still trying to work out the genetic testing.  Very tiring!

Hope I can go to work tomorrow.  Need to get moving and see some darling kids faces.

One down, 15 more to go...

Here's a "Day 1" picture.  Will take another on the last day.  I am home....... a bit tired and sore....... but just fine.

Apparently the steroids and all the anti-nausea meds will keep me fine for the weekend.  Sounds like Monday and  Tuesday will be the days things crash.  It's ok, "I'm Going To Live!"

Feel weird tonight.  On one hand I am relieved that things are now underway.  On the other hand I realize that there is no turning back now and five months is a long time.  One day at a time right?

I am so hopeful that the treatments will shrink this stupid tumor.  The MRI results came back in and show that the tumor has doubled in size in the last month.  I want it to go away!

Connie was wonderful today (except for when they talked about anal itch....she was naughty then!!!) as were all of the great surprises in the basket from the Symons staff.  If it weren't for the nurse who thought she needed to talk all day, I would have had more time to play.

I am so incredibly blessed.

Everythig is just fine!

They put the port in this morning, told me they were going to give me happy drugs but I think they lied. I didn't even get a buzz! Damn! Can't lift anything over 10 pounds for two weeks. Poor Chloe!

I am sitting in the chemo room right now trying to play with all the cool things I brought along but this goofy nurse won't stop talking to me. So far all they've given me three different nausea drugs (that's good) but haven't started the good stuff. Takes forever.

Patience. I am working on it.

Forgot one (damn chemobrain).....weight gain or loss of appetite

Ok, so what are my chances that after being fat most of my life and still needing to lose 70+ pounds, that I would be fortunate enough to actually have a loss of appetite??????

I'd say not very good!

The only thing that may save me is that I am TERRIBLY afraid of throwing up so just maybe I will be very careful about what I eat and will not gain.

That's a plan.  Hope it works.

Chemotherapy side effects.....Chemobrain....SERIOUSLY????

Ok, so I had to read the book they gave me to read about what to expect with chemotherapy (kind of one of those "What To Expect When You're Expecting" types of books).  Since I can't seem to sleep right now (one of the potential side effects) I decided to read it in the middle of the night.

The good news is that I have had most of the symptoms this week........fatigue, diarrhea, insomnia, pain, hair loss (I found one in the sink) and since I have survived all of these this week it MUST mean that chemotherapy won't be too bad right?

That being said, the one that intrigues me the most is chemobrain.  It says you may suffer from memory loss, forget names, walk into a room and forget what you went in there for, often feel confused, lose things.... now I don't know about you but apparently I have had chemobrain for many years and THAT'S not a good sign especially when they give you a list of things to do to lessen the effects and I do 9 out of 10 of them already.

I am warning you all now that if I forget your name, make lots of typos in my posts, and appear confused, it's not my fault......it's CHEMOBRAIN!!!

Kids react

Today was my first day at school after the kids learned about my breast cancer.  The reactions of kids (like the reactions from most adults) varied widely.  Kids looked relieved to see me.  Many just smiled and shyly said hi.  Some didn't know what to say.  I got lots of darling cards on my desk and throughout the day....priceless messages.........lots of hugs and get well wishes.  It's seems to be easier for kids to say what they think.  They want to know I am there when I am supposed to be there.  They want to know I am ok and that I will be ok.

The funniest reaction to the kids at school came from a third grade girl who came up to me, gave me a hug (she was just about boob height)  : ) and said, "Miss Tetens, I hope your breast feels better really soon."  I told her I hope so soon.

Kids are great!

one more thing

.....ok, so I lied.....I have to tell you about one more thing tonight and then I am taking the week off.

Let me tell you about the breast MRI I had today...... obviously designed by a MAN with a VERRRRRRY sick sense of humor.

First you have to lay on your stomach.
Then you have to put your boobs in these two holes.
Then you put your head on this cushion face down.
Then the machine backs you into the little tiny tube where your ass (apparently my BIG ASS) is literally wedged in.
Then they make you hold still for 30-40 minutes.

At first I sort of panicked because I couldn't get a good breath....seriously, I was wedged in...more motivation to lose some weight.  Then because this test was so important, I simply willed myself to relax and just let it happen.  By the time it was done I was dripping wet from sweat, afraid that I would be stuck in there forever, but I made it out safe and sound.

I do think that while I am going through chemo I will be inventing a similar machine to use on a man's "special" parts......anyone want to help me???

I'M GOING TO LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have breast cancer, I am going to go through many months of crap but today that doesn't matter.  Today is a WONDERFUL day.  Today I found out that the tests came back and they have no reason to believe that there is cancer anywhere else in my body except in the lymph nodes and breast.  I asked her to tell me if  I was going to live and she said "absolutely" and she is planning on curing this cancer.

I can't begin to tell you the relief that I am feeling right now.  To know it's not stage four, to know she believes it can be cured, to know I am going to live.........I am so grateful, so thankful, and so very blessed.

I will be taking time off from the blog.  Need some time to think of something else and nothing happens until next Friday morning at 7:00am when they put the port in (she said I should get good drugs that will make me loopy so I won't know what they are doing......good because it freaks me out), I meet with her at 10:30 to double check the blood tests and go over the MRI and echocardiogram results, and then chemo at 1:00.  Sounds like it will be an exhausting day but I will post something so you know everything went well.  In the meantime, have a great weekend.  I know I will!

Two more things to check off.....

Had a CT scan and a bone scan today.  Other than sitting there for four+ hours it was no big deal.  During the CT scan they injected something that made you feel warm all over and the girl said it would make me think I had to go to the bathroom.  I felt like telling her that I am 56 years old, I feel like I have to pee all the time!  For the bone scan I had to drink this stuff that gave me diarrhea (more info that you probably needed right???)  Maybe it'll make me lose a little weight.....see, I am looking for the positives in everything!!!

I meet with Dr. Beekman in the morning to get the test results so far.......extra prayers tonight that nothing is found elsewhere.  Tomorrow an MRI and an echocardiogram and then I am supposed to be done until chemo day - next Friday, January 28th.  Hope so.

Marathon Cooking Day

I think that I have it in my head that once chemo starts I won't be doing anything for five months.  Logically I know that's not the case but regardless, because I don't KNOW what to expect, I am spending my free time planning ahead.....makes me feel better....something I can control.  Today I cooked and cooked, and cooked..... now have over 40 meals frozen and ready for whenever I don't want to cool.  For those of you who know me well, you know how I hate to cool but doing it this way means I don't have to worry about it for a while.  LOVE IT!!!


All my tests, except for the genetic testing, are scheduled for this week so I will be putting lots of miles on my car this week and for the next seven or eight months.   Unfortunately chemo won't start until Friday the 28th so it's another waiting game for almost two weeks.

Connie and I went and ordered a wig today.  Should be in soon.  Hope it grows on me.  Don't like the idea though.

Bosom buddies

Lynn is going home to her family today.  She thought this is a beautiful picture of us.....I'm not so sure of that.

I will miss her but I think her family wants her back.  It's been nice to have company, a distraction, a sounding board.

Thanks for everything buddy!  Love you!!!!!

I love my oncology doctor

That's a good thing because we will be working together for a really long time!!!  LOTS of information shared today but this wonderful woman sat with us for almost two hours explaining the results, talking through everything and was so incredibly kind.  I was glad to have Connie and Lynn with me.  They will be treating my cancer very aggressively since it appears to be an aggressive cancer......works for me, kill that sucker.

Monday I will have all of the tests scheduled to determine whether it is anywhere else in my body.  They will also do an echo cardio something or other to make sure my heart is ok (no smart ass comments please!) The tests will take place early next week (except for the genetic testing that has to get insurance approval first and I have to meet with a genetic counselor) Next Friday I will hopefully receive the results from the CAT scan, the blood work, and the bone scan.

My chemo will start early in the week of January 24th.  They are going to put in a port that will stay there for a long time.....I am trying not to wig out about what that is....ewwwww!!!!!!

The first round of chemo will last for two months....one treatment every two weeks (my hair will fall out on day 14...........shit) and the second round will last three months with a once a week treatment.  That gets me to summer where I will be looking at surgery (which may change after the genetic testing results are back).  Following recovery from surgery I will be having radiation therapy daily for 5-7 weeks.  I will be somewhat "occupied" until the fall.

Some of the medication will continue for a year or more.  You might think I feel overwhelmed but I actually feel pretty good tonight.  I have some answers, I have a plan, I know what's going to happen.  I said all along that they could do whatever is needed as long as I will live.

I  WILL  LIVE!!!!!

I'm not going to say a word

Only because it wouldn't be nice.  I got a call from the Dr.'s office this morning saying they are not sure why I was scheduled for an appointment tomorrow because the doctor isn't working tomorrow.

Now I will wait until Friday afternoon.

Not saying a thing.

Nothing new...

.....waiting for oncologist appt. Thurs.  So tired of waiting.

Oh my, looking at wigs

We went wig shopping today.... the ugliest part was putting on the skull cap before putting on the wigs.  Let's just say I will be BUTT UGLY when I am bald.  We actually found several pretty ones (not this one tho....this was a funny pic of us!)

Prices are interesting......thought I'd look at human hair wigs......NOT!!!  I will stick with a synthetic wig because prices are much more reasonable and they are actually quite nice, once you get used to something on your head and the itching.  I'm sure that once there is no hair it'll feel better.

I did find a T-shirt I think would be a hoot to wear.  Do you think Bryan would let me wear it to school???

Really low day, ended nice though

Apparently I needed a good cry today....did it a bunch.  Cried after going to the gym because I can't do what I am used to do with regards to working out.  Cried after asking for some information about wigs and making some calls......mind you I will most likely lose a breast and that hasn't bothered me (yet) but I cry over my hair even though it will come back.  Cried at the doctors office because he put me back on blood pressure medicine.  Blood pressure has been crazy lately...........HELLO you just told me I have cancer, what do you think it will be!!!  Cried to the doctor because my body hurts and aches and I am so damn tired all the time.  He said it's normal.  Cried asking him if I was going crazy.  He assured me that I was not.  I guess that's a positive huh?

Lynn and I are going to get our PJ's on and watch "Under The Tuscan Sun" (love this movie)  Tomorrow we are going to look at wigs and hopefully find something to laugh about.....I always wanted to be a red head!!!

Beast Cancer Apple Pie....check it out!!!

Check out the breast cancer logo on the apple pie Lynn made for us today.  Oh my gosh is it DELICIOUS!!!!  Lynn can cook, BIG TIME!!!!

We can't eat dinner because we ate a big piece and it had 100's of calories in it but I don't care, it was really worth it.

I certainly won't recommend getting breast cancer but if you do, find a best friend who is willing to be with you and do dorky things like Lynn does!!!

It helps.

Ok, so I'm a bit calmer now.....

A really nice nurse called me tonight.  Her position is called a "Nurse Negotiator" and she is a cancer survivor.  I feel bad for her in that I pretty much vented my frustration.  She was incredibly kind and helped explain what most likely will be happening in the next few months.  While I HATE to wait, HATE to delay, HATE the unknown, I feel FAR better knowing what could potentially be going on in the next weeks and months.

Here's what most likely will happen......it will take around three weeks to get into the oncologist, be sent for further testing to determine if cancer from the lymph nodes has spread anywhere else (this most likely will include blood work, a bone scan, and CT scan)  It also may include genetic testing because of family history of cancer and the fact that our mother had breast cancer at age 29.

After all the test results are back in we will most likely start chemotherapy. It usually means one treatment every two weeks over the course of two months.  (I'm not yet reading about what this involves because I don't want to freak out over yet another thing.)  After chemo is finished depending on the results they may continue for another round or try something else.  It will be at least two months but could last four months.  Then I would go back to the surgeon for surgery.  Depending on the results of genetic testing which could take 2 - 4 months to come back, surgery may be more or less invasive than originally planned but we'll think about that later!

So, it looks like three weeks before any treatment will begin, at least two months of treatment, and then surgery after that followed by radiation.  Should be all done and cancer free by summer.  I certainly don't want to mess up my summer vacation!!!  How's that for positive thinking???

ARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Will have to wait another week to get into the oncologist and the only reason they got me in that early is because I am going to the Chelsea office to meet with her.

I am insanely frustrated, scared, and worried.  Even though it is a common cancer, its been there for who knows how long and the waiting game is not ok.

DOCTOR PEOPLE, I have this thing going on inside that's not supposed to be there and it needs to be taken out.  Even the surgeon seemed like it was no big deal to wait a while.  It's a BIG deal for me.

If I didn't have Lynn and Connie and all of your support I would be even more frustrated than I am right now.  Just so you know, cancer is REALLY pissing me off today!!!

I'm not unique.....

..........normally that would bother me but in this case I am thrilled!  The breast cancer I have (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma) is the most common of all of the types of breast cancers so that's good.  There is also cancer in the lymph node they biopsied.  I was expecting lots more news today but they really didn't give me any more information other than it's cancer.....duh, I knew that!!!

I met with the surgeon and he basically said the same thing.  The plan at this point is to go to an oncologist for more tests (hopefully to determine if it's anywhere else) and possibly to start some type of treatment prior to surgery.

The waiting game continues but I guess that I will start being satisfied with little, tiny bits of information.  The ability to be patient is going to test me daily.  In the meantime, I am just fine.

Pissy mood!

Was told I'd hear the results of the biopsies today.  Lynn and Connie have been with me all day today but after calling several times, it seems as though the results are not yet ready.  Needless to say I am soooooo frustrated, angry, impatient, and ready to scream.  I am being a total grouch to Connie and Lynn and I feel so bad.  Thanks to Karen we have several games to play.....that's helped pass the time.  It's been a long time since I've played Racko and Yahtzee.

It's also a beautiful day so I need to get over it, enjoy the good company, and enjoy these moments.

Hard though.

A little New Year's humor.....

It's so nice to laugh, to have moments where I totally forget what the heck is going on.  It's short lived but I enjoy those moments.  Lynn and I took a short road trip and went up to Birch Run, Bronner's, and the Bavarian Inn today.  Colder than anything but so nice to get away.

I figured out why most likely I never married........ Lynn got here Thursday.  She kept saying that she was here for me.....that "It's all about you."  After living with me for three days she is pretty much being mean, telling me to shut up, and I think she really doesn't care if I live or die.

NOT REALLY!!!!!  She makes me laugh.  She helps me enjoy the moment.  She helps me see the beauty in everything.  Love your friends in 2011.

Poor MSU........

Now THAT'S real pain!!!