Three down, thirteen to go.

Not much to say.  Really restless today.  Things ok overall.  Only one more of this round to go.  THAT'S good!

Almost a week has flown by

No excuse for not posting this week.  Not much going on except for snow.  Don't get me wrong, I love snow....but even I have had enough for this year.  Chloe does too.....she's having trouble with the snow "mountains" in our neighborhood.  Hard to do your thing if you get my drift.  Ha!

I am looking forward to Monday and treatment #3.  Strange to say I am excited huh but it means only one more left of this round after Monday.  The next three month weekly round isn't supposed to make you feel yucky (more fatigue than anything) so I look forward to that.  Not looking forward to weekly treatments however.

One good thing is that they were able to get blood on Friday out of my port for the first time without a big production.  I had a different nurse who had me start taking very deep breaths while she was getting set up....in through my nose, out through my mouth as deeply as I could.  I kept doing it the whole time and it worked.

Besides being tired, the only issue I continue to have is being able to sleep.  I can't seem to turn off my brain long enough to get to sleep and I wake up regularly throughout the night.  Dr. Beekman is working with me to figure something out but so far nothing seems to be working.  Right now it's not a huge issue because I feel pretty good but when treatments go to weekly and the major side effect is fatigue, it's going to get harder.  Oh well, at least I'm not throwing up.

Trying to get motivated to go to the gym.  No excuse but I just want to stay snuggled with Chloe and not  move.  THAT'S not going to help me lose weight though.  Bye!

note to self....

......remember that next time on days 4 and 5 I will feel like crap, be emotional, cry at any stupid little thing, feel like I've been run over by a truck and desperate to get my life back.

....but on day 6 I will feel much better.

Message from a student.............kids are incredible!

I received this message last night from a parent (Melissa Buie) who has a daughter at Symons and she is in my after school program.  I talked with the kids in the group about my hair loss and shared how I felt.  This is the conversation between Melissa and her daughter............incredible!!!

"Amanda talked to me tonight about you losing your hair.  She was sad about it and asked if you'd be ok and if it hurt you to lose it.  I told her you were going to be just fine because there are so many people who love you and say prayers for you.  I told her it made you sad but it didn't hurt you physically.  She thought about it a minute then asked if she could grow her hair out again and donate it to Locks of Love to make you a wig.  She donated her hair about a year ago and was so proud to be helping someone else with her donation.  I told her she could absolutely grow her hair out and donate it again and in the meantime, she could keep saying prayers that you will be ok.  She told me she would and even if you talk quietly, God can hear your whispers.  So, when you're feeling sad, just remember there is a little girl out there waiting to give you her hair and whispering her prayers that you will be just fine.  Have a peaceful night Nancy.  Love, Melissa and Amanda."

Life doesn't get much better that this!

A Valentine's Day I Will NEVER Forget!

The day started out sad with the realization that the hair was falling out.  Chemo was next.  But my day ended perfectly and even though there may be hundreds of things I'd rather be doing on Valentine's Day, it was the most memorable one of my life.  Here are some pictures of what happened.   Thanks to Lisa and Connie for their great pictures.

The first picture is of my hairdresser Janelle Kimberly who works at Brown and Deline on the west side of Ann Arbor. I told her that I wanted to post her picture as a way of getting more clients....see the good work she does???  Actually, she is wonderful and I don't know too many hairdressers who do house calls.  Pretty special lady and I highly recommend her!





The second picture is of the cake that Karen baked (heart shaped of course) and brought complete with ice cream........it HAD to be a party right?








Lynn couldn't be here in person so we set her up on Skype and she joined us complete with scull cap, large flower in her hair, and glass of    
wine.....which seemed to refill automatically.  Her wit, smart ass comments and support kept us all laughing!





Let the shaving begin....  I always was intrigued with the mohawk hair cuts sported by boys at school so I asked Janelle if she'd give me one.

Still don't see what boys see in this.  Not sure I like this look!







Here she goes.  This picture shows the realization that it was really going to happen.  I am soooooooo glad that Connie, Lisa, Julie, and Karen (and Lynn) were there along with Janelle and I or I think it would have been sad.

The only one who had a problem with the hair cut was Chloe.  She wouldn't come near me.  I finally got down on the floor and got close to her and talked to her.  After a minute, she came close to my head, sniffed it a bit and then licked my head.  She is better today but still loos at me funny!



Here's the gang!  No one volunteered to shave their hair along with me so I had to settle for them wearing goofy hats instead.

Julie even drew a pink heart on my head (wouldn't THAT be a fun activity for kids???)

MY ABSOLUTELY FAVORITE PICTURE OF MY SISTER CONNIE AND ME!!!!!

I arrived at school this morning and was greeted by nine staff members who were wearing wigs.  I'm happy to report that I believe that MY wig looks the best!!!

I am the luckiest woman alive!!!

Two Down, Fourteen To Go!!!

Treatment #2 went well.  Hard to concentrate but things went well.  Had to draw blood for the Genetic Testing and once again, they had trouble getting it to come out.  Connie enjoyed watching me raise my right arm, look to the left, and cough non-stop.......isn't your chemo buddy supposed to be NICE????

Day started really rough.  Was at the gym and ran my hand through my hair and came away with a bunch of hair.  Took a shower and lots more fell out....sooooooo thin and I started crying.  I knew it was coming but still was not ready for it.  I decided that I want to control it (go figure) so I am having it shaved off tonight.  I think that clumps falling out and bald spots would be even harder to take so it's going all at once.  Having a few friends over to document the "event" and will post once I get used to it.  Going to wear a wig to school tomorrow.  We'll see.  Little nervous.

What a GREAT Day!

Over the past month we've established that I am a very fortunate person with lots of caring friends and family members.  These wonderful women above are part of that group.  We all graduated from High School together in 1972 (yes, I know that's before some of you were born......shut up!) and we have kept in touch since then.  We actually get together at Christmas every year and for the past 15 or so years (can't remember exactly) have gone on a summer trip together.  Pretty remarkable group and I treasure their friendship.  We met for lunch today and they all sported the pin to the right....VERY special.  I also got a new cool looking hat and even some "bangs" to attach to a hat.....that's going to be fun!  I always love spending time together but today was very special time and yet another wonderful memory of the girls.

On another note.......still have my hair.  Hmmmm!  Had an interesting blood draw through my port yesterday.  They couldn't get any blood out of it.  Not sure what was going on.  They finally tipped me back in the chair, put my feet up, had me turn my head to the left, and cough for a while.  I think they were messing with me!!!  Got blood out though.  Interesting.

Day 14....still have my hair.....hmmmm!

My brother Bob says my blog is boring so I told him about where I AM losing hair and now he won't talk to me.  Enough said.  He asked for it!!!

Tomorrow (Friday) is a blood draw (the first time in my port which makes me nervous) and then Monday is treatment #2.  It seems like such a LONG time since the first one.  I think it's because I have felt so good.

Waiting sucks.

Teachers DO make a difference!

I am not talking about just me and I always knew this but since being diagnosed I have heard from so many former students wishing me well and telling me the strangest things they remember about being in my classroom.

I am so proud to be able to communicate with them, love to hear about what they are doing and how they have become incredible adults, and that they care enough to keep in touch with former teachers.

So all you teachers out there (and parents who "teach" all the time)....even on days when the little darlings drive you crazy....know that you ARE making a difference in their lives and you never know exactly what will get through to them and what they will remember so just don't quit trying!!!

crabby and pissy and bitchy....oh my

What is WRONG with me?  I hollered at my hair in the shower this morning....seriously.  I told it that if it was going to fall out to just do it and get it done.

I realized that I still have another week to go before treatment (they've now moved to Monday....Valentine's Day, whoopee).  I don't want to do this anymore.  I know I have no options but I WANT TO BE DONE!!!!

Ok, enough of the pity party.

On a humorous note.....I wonder if when I lose all of my hair I will lose all of the little nose hairs too????  That's a good thing right?

What Cancer CANNOT Do

I wish I could take credit for writing this but I received this message in a card  and loved it....thanks Hayley!

Cancer is so limited.....

It cannot cripple LOVE.
It cannot shatter HOPE.
It cannot corrode FAITH.
It cannot destroy PEACE.
It cannot kill FRIENDSHIP.
It cannot suppress MEMORIES.
It cannot silence COURAGE.
It cannot invade the SOUL.
It cannot steal ETERNAL LIFE.
It cannot conquer the SPIRIT.


The messages written in cards and the messages written by friends are so powerful.  I've learned that I need to do a far better job of sending cards in the future.  They are so special!

LOVE the snow!

Isn't living in Michigan wonderful?  I really love sitting here looking outside while snuggling with Chloe and knitting a scarf.  Life is good.

Well I guess by now it's safe to say I made it through the first round of chemo with very little problem.  Hope I'm not tempting fate but I am so glad.  Little tired but no throwing up.......HOORAY!!!!!!

I think something is going on with my head....scalp feels strange and hair is limp.  Guess that's the look of things to come.  Oh well.  I will deal with it.

Stay warm today!  Enjoy the snow!!!

Still hanging in here

Feeling a little funky today but nothing I can't handle so far.  Thanks for all of the texts, e-mails, and messages checking up on me.  Had to go get the Neulasta shot today....supposedly helps with white blood cell count but will make my body sore tomorrow.....we'll see.  My chest is really sore from the "little" port procedure.  The whole thing is turning purple...sooooo pretty.  Can't imagine when they do the REAL surgery.  They'd better have some really good drugs for that.

Got a little freaked out while trying to figure out insurance stuff.  It seems that every single time that I see the doctor, I will have to pay $30.  I may also have to pay $150 for each of the tests I've had.  I can't even imagine how people do this without insurance. I know it'll all work out and it's not like I have a choice.......but it scares me.  Still trying to work out the genetic testing.  Very tiring!

Hope I can go to work tomorrow.  Need to get moving and see some darling kids faces.

One down, 15 more to go...

Here's a "Day 1" picture.  Will take another on the last day.  I am home....... a bit tired and sore....... but just fine.

Apparently the steroids and all the anti-nausea meds will keep me fine for the weekend.  Sounds like Monday and  Tuesday will be the days things crash.  It's ok, "I'm Going To Live!"

Feel weird tonight.  On one hand I am relieved that things are now underway.  On the other hand I realize that there is no turning back now and five months is a long time.  One day at a time right?

I am so hopeful that the treatments will shrink this stupid tumor.  The MRI results came back in and show that the tumor has doubled in size in the last month.  I want it to go away!

Connie was wonderful today (except for when they talked about anal itch....she was naughty then!!!) as were all of the great surprises in the basket from the Symons staff.  If it weren't for the nurse who thought she needed to talk all day, I would have had more time to play.

I am so incredibly blessed.

Everythig is just fine!

They put the port in this morning, told me they were going to give me happy drugs but I think they lied. I didn't even get a buzz! Damn! Can't lift anything over 10 pounds for two weeks. Poor Chloe!

I am sitting in the chemo room right now trying to play with all the cool things I brought along but this goofy nurse won't stop talking to me. So far all they've given me three different nausea drugs (that's good) but haven't started the good stuff. Takes forever.

Patience. I am working on it.

Forgot one (damn chemobrain).....weight gain or loss of appetite

Ok, so what are my chances that after being fat most of my life and still needing to lose 70+ pounds, that I would be fortunate enough to actually have a loss of appetite??????

I'd say not very good!

The only thing that may save me is that I am TERRIBLY afraid of throwing up so just maybe I will be very careful about what I eat and will not gain.

That's a plan.  Hope it works.

Chemotherapy side effects.....Chemobrain....SERIOUSLY????

Ok, so I had to read the book they gave me to read about what to expect with chemotherapy (kind of one of those "What To Expect When You're Expecting" types of books).  Since I can't seem to sleep right now (one of the potential side effects) I decided to read it in the middle of the night.

The good news is that I have had most of the symptoms this week........fatigue, diarrhea, insomnia, pain, hair loss (I found one in the sink) and since I have survived all of these this week it MUST mean that chemotherapy won't be too bad right?

That being said, the one that intrigues me the most is chemobrain.  It says you may suffer from memory loss, forget names, walk into a room and forget what you went in there for, often feel confused, lose things.... now I don't know about you but apparently I have had chemobrain for many years and THAT'S not a good sign especially when they give you a list of things to do to lessen the effects and I do 9 out of 10 of them already.

I am warning you all now that if I forget your name, make lots of typos in my posts, and appear confused, it's not my fault......it's CHEMOBRAIN!!!

Kids react

Today was my first day at school after the kids learned about my breast cancer.  The reactions of kids (like the reactions from most adults) varied widely.  Kids looked relieved to see me.  Many just smiled and shyly said hi.  Some didn't know what to say.  I got lots of darling cards on my desk and throughout the day....priceless messages.........lots of hugs and get well wishes.  It's seems to be easier for kids to say what they think.  They want to know I am there when I am supposed to be there.  They want to know I am ok and that I will be ok.

The funniest reaction to the kids at school came from a third grade girl who came up to me, gave me a hug (she was just about boob height)  : ) and said, "Miss Tetens, I hope your breast feels better really soon."  I told her I hope so soon.

Kids are great!

one more thing

.....ok, so I lied.....I have to tell you about one more thing tonight and then I am taking the week off.

Let me tell you about the breast MRI I had today...... obviously designed by a MAN with a VERRRRRRY sick sense of humor.

First you have to lay on your stomach.
Then you have to put your boobs in these two holes.
Then you put your head on this cushion face down.
Then the machine backs you into the little tiny tube where your ass (apparently my BIG ASS) is literally wedged in.
Then they make you hold still for 30-40 minutes.

At first I sort of panicked because I couldn't get a good breath....seriously, I was wedged in...more motivation to lose some weight.  Then because this test was so important, I simply willed myself to relax and just let it happen.  By the time it was done I was dripping wet from sweat, afraid that I would be stuck in there forever, but I made it out safe and sound.

I do think that while I am going through chemo I will be inventing a similar machine to use on a man's "special" parts......anyone want to help me???

I'M GOING TO LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have breast cancer, I am going to go through many months of crap but today that doesn't matter.  Today is a WONDERFUL day.  Today I found out that the tests came back and they have no reason to believe that there is cancer anywhere else in my body except in the lymph nodes and breast.  I asked her to tell me if  I was going to live and she said "absolutely" and she is planning on curing this cancer.

I can't begin to tell you the relief that I am feeling right now.  To know it's not stage four, to know she believes it can be cured, to know I am going to live.........I am so grateful, so thankful, and so very blessed.

I will be taking time off from the blog.  Need some time to think of something else and nothing happens until next Friday morning at 7:00am when they put the port in (she said I should get good drugs that will make me loopy so I won't know what they are doing......good because it freaks me out), I meet with her at 10:30 to double check the blood tests and go over the MRI and echocardiogram results, and then chemo at 1:00.  Sounds like it will be an exhausting day but I will post something so you know everything went well.  In the meantime, have a great weekend.  I know I will!