Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Another contest!

It seems very strange to not be returning to work in Milan for the first time in 35 years. As my friends go back to school tomorrow I will be starting daily radiation for the next five and a half weeks. By the end of 2011 I hope that this journey will be over and I will have time to do other things in my retirement!

Those of you who know me well know that I love entering contests. That, in addition to having lots of free time on my hands right now, should tell you that I've entered another contest. It's called the Life Opens Up Project and the purpose of the contest is to tell how your mouth and your voice have helped you open up to the world and also how you would use $25,000 to improve the world around you. 

I chose to tell my cancer story and how I'd use the money to give back to others. Below is the link to my video. I apologize in advance for the quality of the video. I had a great deal of trouble getting it to work and downloaded to the site and the video isn't the greatest but the story is really close to my heart.

http://lifeopensupproject.com/player.php?q=88

Part of the scoring process (10%) is based on public voting and so I am asking once again for your help. The good news is that I believe you can only vote once so I won't be begging for daily votes. If you click on the link and vote you are done unless you want to share on your Facebook page or pass the link along to friends, family, relatives or co-workers. 

I have appreciated your support and kindness throughout his journey and hope that one day soon I can support others in the same way. 

Nancy

Sunday, August 28, 2011

I've Been Slacking.....sorry!

Not much going on except for the fact that I am trying to get back in the diet and exercise game and start to lose all of this weight I gained.  It stinks, REALLY stinks.  I have to write about how I feel about weight soon.....maybe during a sleepless night....but for now a quick update.

They were able to do the radiation simulation last week and so I am scheduled for some more prep work on Tuesday with radiation starting on Wednesday.  I'm not figuring out when I will be done with radiation until I have started for sure.  I know I am a few weeks behind my "plan" so I don't want to be disappointed if there is another delay.

Went down for the Relay For Life last night.  It was a little emotional, maybe too soon, maybe I'm still scared of the future.  I hope that in the next few years I will get active and involved.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Medical Mysteries....a few more sleepless thoughts

Going through cancer treatment has changed me so much.  I was always so private about my body, what I'd share, what I wanted people to see............. but after all of the doctors, procedures, and tests, it's like NO BIG DEAL anymore.  I'm over it.  I just do what I am supposed to do and not think too much about the gross stuff.  It's probably like having a baby....at the end you just want the thing out of you so you don't care what shows.  Ha!

In the past weeks I've thought about about a few things that crack me up.  Here's a few of my thoughts right now:
1.  Constipation.  Constipation should be a four letter word.  There's so much more I could say about this topic but that should tell you all you need to know.
2.  Belly fat.  How come when they took of my boobs my belly seems soooooooo much bigger now?  My sister said that it's always been there but it was hidden below my big boobs, thanks Con!  It has gotten bigger in recent months.....that's another story.
3.  Side fat.  Ok, they remove your boobs and the way the incisions go, the fat on the side of your body is still there, looks stupid, and actually feels like boobs on the side of your body.  The plastic surgeon will be removing much of this during the next reconstructive procedure but in the meantime, GROSS!!!!
4.  Tissue expanders.  I have tissue expanders in place of my boobs.  They are ok for the most part.  Apparently they were put below my chest muscle and can be expanded to whatever size I want.  I'm ok with little ones tho so they are being left alone.
5.  Skin sensitivity.  One breast has almost no feeling at this time,  The other one is hyper sensitive....sometimes it almost kills me to have anything touch it.  Very strange.  They say it "should" go away.  PLEASE do!
6.   Incision healing.  All of my incisions have healed really well with the exception of one big spot.  It won't heal.  It's not really infected but the darn thing is ugly.  Come on medical people, figure it out.
7.  Toe nails.  I know that during chemo they say that the drugs can affect your nails and I had some affects but NOW, so long after chemo, my big toe nails look bad, they look like the may fall off.......really???  What does one do without toe nails?  That's stupid.
8.  Socks and tennis shoes.  Who would think that having your boobs removed would make it so hard to bend over and put on socks and tennis shoes.  It's hard.  The stretching hurts.  It's getting better though.
9.  Lymph nodes.  They took out eleven lymph nodes.  Eleven little things that I am not sure I totally understand their purpose or function.  Eleven little things removed that have made my left arm hard to move, hard to stretch, hard to lift.  Exercises are helping but progress is slow and very frustrating.
10.  All of this being said and despite the grossness of some stuff, it is a miracle that doctors can do all of these surgeries, remove the right stuff, and give people hope that life will go on.  Now they just need to figure out how to cure things.  I sometimes wish they'd stop spending $$$ on cancer commercials and spend more on curing it.

More to come!!!


Friday, August 12, 2011

No pills = no sleep = good time to write

Oh well, I can take a nap during the day right???  When I can't sleep I tend to start singing songs in an effort to stop thinking and sleep.  My favorite is "This Little Light of Mine".........THANKS V!  I usually sing it until I get totally bored (she even gave me all of the verses to learn) but tonight it didn't work.  Tonight I  started thinking of Barbara Streisand's "People Who Need People are the Luckiest People in the World" song and it got me thinking about the last month.

It's been over three weeks since surgery.  I continue to be amazed and touched by people in  my life. on a daily basis.  I already told you what a blessing it was to have Lynn here for two weeks and what great nurses she and Connie were to me.  Did I tell you that since Lynn left that Karen R. came over two or sometimes three times a day to strip and empty my drains......an incredibly gross job but one that she did without a second thought.  How about the fact that Julie Z. took me on my first "field trip" after surgery.....a very short trip to the grocery store to get a few things (and we survived even though the "seniors" bus just dropped of a load of folks and we, at 57, were by far the youngest people in the store....THAT was interesting!)  Julie also was willing to go with me all afternoon yesterday while I went to various doctors appointments (I'm not sure that a good book and a sunny day was a good enough draw when you have a day off but she did it anyways).  Friends like Sarah M., Julie and Mark and Karen brought meals.  Friends like Marilyn and Jenni brought be treats.  Dan brought some of his famous fruit salad.  The Klibers (the whole clan) came by to distract and entertain me one morning as did Carolyn....that will make anyone smile.  Other visits, FB messages, e-mails and texts from friends have touched me as well. Chris P. came and swept, mopped, and vacuumed my floors (several people have volunteered to do little jobs but there is really not much to do and I'm sorry but NO ONE will be cleaning my toilets.)  Goofy and very regular cards from Carol Preston and Beverly and others have kept me smiling as have daily "conversations" with Tonya and messages from Joan in California who says that I can call her when I can't sleep....hmmmm might just have to think about the time change.  Flowers from my neighbors and from Chris and Amy brightened my time stuck in the house.  Neighbors Cathy and Greg checking on me each night and helping me keep my garden growing even when I couldn't bend over.  My brother Bob sending me smart ass (but loving) texts, occasional conversations with my nephews, my cousin Rob knowing how much I love music burning me a bunch of CD's with music he loves to listen to during this very long boring time.  The music was wonderful!

The list goes on and on and I will most likely be adding more thoughts as my brain reflects on this time...................

Things that surprise, shock, and touch me:
1.  Besides the power of love and how very lucky I am???
2.  How grateful I am that I can now walk around the block with my overweight dog and not feel like she's winning the race.
3.  Even though 57 is certainly not old, I am amazed at how much surgery takes out of you and how long it has taken to feel even remotely "normal."
4.  That being said, I am beginning to realize that after chemo, surgery, and the upcoming radiation and the continued treatments for the coming year(s) that "normal" will most likely look a little different for me, something I am working and learning to deal with.  It's not easy though.
5.  How easy it is after sitting way too much for three weeks (and not being as active as I have been for months before that) and pretty much eating whatever I wanted to, to gain back a ridiculous amount of weight (sorry Tony) but I did it once and now will have to get it off a second time.
6.  Dogs.  Dogs know when something isn't right, when you are hurt, when you "need" something.  Chloe has not left my side in three weeks and the best moment was being able to get down low enough to give her a big hug and kiss.......sorry if you are not a dog person you just don't get how special this is but IT IS PRICELESS!!!
7.  Cancer still sucks and I want it gone but for these reasons and so many more I will continue to write about......it's a good thing too.

It's now morning and the birds are up.  What are the chances that I can go back to sleep.  Not good but oh well, it's a wonderful day already!

Keep in touch and I hope to see you soon.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Two steps forward, one step back......damn!

Went for the radiation simulation today (where they figure out exactly where the beam will radiate...seems complicated.....a math lesson I probably didn't understand) and because my left arm where they removed lymph nodes isn't moving very far yet it just wouldn't work.  I couldn't get it in the position they needed it to be in and stay in for 45 minutes today without a great deal of pain.  Despite the fact that I tried to fake it and pretend I could do it, they saw that I couldn't do it.

It frustrates me to not be able to proceed but I understand how incredibly important it is that they are able to get the exact location they need to radiate.  Everything is put on hold until the 22nd and hopefully by then I will be able to move it or I will have to go to physical therapy.

So now I will be working hard to be ready, work through the pain, and be determined I can get where I need to be.  Piece of cake!!!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Drains are OUT. Life is good!

Pain is much better without the drains in.  So glad they are gone.  Working on an itchy body and on some healing spots but I'm getting there.  Still am not comfortable driving but soon.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

STUPID Drains!

Two weeks since surgery.  MOST people get the drains out by the second week.  NOT ME..........they still are draining big time, in fact they are going up instead of down.  Now I am not crabby about it or anything (ya, right) but I want these stupid, stupid, stupid things out.  Until the fluid collected is under 30cc in a 24 hour period, they stay in.  One is over 70 and the other over 50.  I think that the doctor thought it was humorous because they really should be out by now but I told him that I didn't like him too much.  Not really, he is a really nice guy and he likes my new temporary boobs.

The stitches came out today though and with the exception of a few areas that hurt like the devil, it wasn't too bad.  He said that if the fluid went down by Friday they could take them out for the weekend.  That would be nice.

Was supposed to meet with the radiologist on Thursday to start getting ready for radiation but they can't do anything because of the drains so everything will be delayed a little.  Oh well, patience right?