Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Another day!

I am so damn tired of being emotional.  I know I get this way when I am overtired but I am SO SICK OF IT.  Met with the plastic surgeon today.  Thought I had it all figured out (there I go thinking I am in control again) and everything I thought was going to happen was basically changed today.  I really liked the plastic surgeon but he said that because of my weight, the procedure that I was hoping for, and planing on, would be far too risky.  It just hit me really hard.  I have worked hard for several years to get the weight off and it just isn't good enough.

The best part of the day was having some really kind friends and a super sister who listened to me talk, cry, and get it out.  I continue to be so blessed....even when I am emotional.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Five Down, Eleven to go!

LOOONNNGGGG day but I didn't have a reaction to the new drugs so that was very good.  It will be another long week next Monday but then if I still don't have a reaction it will get much faster after that.

Weekly treatments will be a pain but things are moving along.  Meet with a plastic surgeon tomorrow to talk about my new boobs.  Fun!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Happy Hour in the Villages!

Had a blast in Florida. It was sunny and 85 degrees every day. Sorry the weather in Michigan was stinky! Here's a picture of us having a margarita.  It was wonderful to relax and spend time with Lynn!

My bald head was safe with really good sunscreen but it was nice to feel and be in the sun.  I didn't realize how much I needed to just get away and stop thinking about everything.

New drugs and weekly treatments start Monday the 28th.  I am a little nervous about the possibility of a reaction.  I know the risk is very small but once again, the fear of the unknown and the realization of three months without a break is creeping into my mind and taking over.  STOP!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Time for a break....YES!!!

Made it through the last of what I "believe" will be my yucky weeks.  It was the roughest yet.  The fatigue hit hard.  It's really hard to describe the feeling I had....like I just couldn't move.  It's just so incredibly strange.  I even took naps this week and I NEVER do that.  Didn't really help much but had to try.

The mental part got to me again this week.  There are so many stories, commercials, and information about cancer on TV.  So many stories about people losing their battle with cancer.  I just got scared again.  Really scared.  I think the fact that the tumor isn't responding to the chemo yet makes me question everything once again.  I am trying to believe, I am trying to have faith, but it is so incredibly hard.

The best news I have is that I am getting away for a few days.  I have until the 28th until the weekly treatments start and once that happens I will be tied down for three months so this is the PERFECT time to escape.  I found really cheap flights to Florida and will be leaving for a few days to stay with Lynn at her place in Florida.  She has a pool, I have my sunscreen, the temps will be in the 80's........don't think it can get much better than that!!!

Not sure I will post anything (unless it's a lovely picture by her pool to make you all jealous....sorry, I know that's hateful but they said I can be a bitch, remember!)  Seriously, maybe a sunny picture will make you feel better about all of the rain and sleet you are going to have this week.  Sorry about that!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Check out my dammit doll!

This the message that came with it.....very funny!  Thanks Dawn, it makes me laugh every time I look at it.

When you're feeling angry
And you just need to vent.
When your body is tired
And your mind is spent.

When you want to climb the wall,
And stand right up and shout.
There's a little Dammit Doll
You cannot do without.

Just grasp it firmly by the legs,
And fina a place to slam it.
And as you whack the stuffing out
Yell, "Dammit, Dammit, Dammit!"

If dammit is not a word you say
Then twist it's little neck
And grumble out repeatedly
"Oh Heck, Oh Heck, Oh Heck!"

Copyright © 2007 Busy Fingers Crafts
Do Not Copy


Very funny.  Things like this help me keep my sense of humor.  Headed back to St. Joe's today for another echocardiogram.  I guess the next round of chemo drugs is hard on your heart so they need to double check to be sure my heart is still ok after the first round.  I am just FINE!!!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Four down, 12 to go.

Round one done.  I feel such incredible relief.  Had fun today.  Connie was reading and so my entertainment was interrupting her.  Sad huh?  The nurse asked Connie if she was my daughter...........SERIOUSLY??????????  Of course that made Connie's day and pissed me off.  Not really, she was a really nice nurse and things went well.  I know I have to get through the end of the week and feeling yucky but knowing that I am done with these two drugs makes me really happy.

Dawn Peacock stopped by to visit.  She's been through this and has been a big support so it was nice to see her.  She gave me something called "A Dammit Doll."  Hilarious!  I will take a picture and write the message in the next day or so.

I went to lunch with Con and Betty Koczman (who I haven't seen in a long time) and it was a really nice time.  Ended the meal with this incredible brownie bite.  TOTALLY worth the calories and a good way to celebrate the end of round #1.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Chemo tomorrow....hooorayyyyyy!

Kinda pathetic isn't it?  I am excited about chemo tomorrow because it means the first round is going to be over.  YES!!!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Met with a different surgeon today

I think I am going to like her.  She does a lot more breast surgery and spent a good deal of time answering questions and helping me understand things.  I feel MUCH better about her than the first surgeon we met with so..........here's a tentative plan for "after chemo."

My last chemo treatment is scheduled for Monday, June 13th (OH  HELL  YES  I  AM  LOOKING  FORWARD  TO  THAT  DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I will have to let me body recover for a month which means that surgery at the earliest will be July 13th (which is Connie's birthday and she said I cannot do it on that day) so sometime after the middle of July will be surgery.

I will be in the hospital anywhere from 2-? days depending on what they decide to do.

Recovery from surgery and healing will take 8 weeks (seriously, that seems like a really long time) which puts it mid to late September.

Radiation will start mid to late September and last for seven weeks sooooooooo.......

.....that means the earliest this crap will be done is mid November.........stupid cancer!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I am at least glad that I have more information and that I have a rough idea of what will be happening.  I also already have an appointment with a plastic surgeon later this month.  That'll be fun picking out new boobs huh?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Rainy Days....love them

Day off, sitting in my chair, reading a really good book, snuggled under a blanket, listening to the rain

..... cancer isn't making me mad today

.....I am not thinking about it!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Better day

So many of you were wondering what was up with me.  Yesterday was a little frustrating.  Took a really long time, every time I get settled and started on something, they come to do something else....just not very patient.  Meeting with Dr. Beekman was a little frustrating too because the tumor is apparently not shrinking and the breast itself is different.  It's a little disheartening when you are going through this and it's not getting better.  She's thinking of possibly not doing the last treatment and just starting the other one.  Just not sure what's up.

But today it was nice to see the kids and staff.  The after school group was treated to a yoga lesson and they were PERFECT.  So totally into what she was doing and every one of them tried so hard.

Then I got home and my sister told me to look at her farm in Farm Town (a really cool I Pad app) and check out what she did with her crops!!!
The purple flowers say "Love U"

What a special sister I have!!!  I have a pretty special brother too.