Fear is a powerful thing. I am afraid. Logically I know this makes sense but even when I try to stop, I am still so totally consumed with fear that I don't know what to do. I listen to music to help me stop thinking at night. Focusing on something else usually helps but last night, even with faith, even knowing that doctors will do whatever they can, even knowing that I won't know a thing today, the fear was overwhelming.
It's a little after 5:00. I just got a call from my sister who went in to work early so that she can leave to be with me. She desperately needs hip replacement surgery and is in constant pain but of course is putting everything off because of me. She was walking across the parking lot, said it was a sheet of ice but she was moving slowly, but she fell anyways. She's now in the emergency room at U of M Hospital....I'm going to St. Joe's (they are checking to see if her ankle is broken) and won't be able to be with me. I don't care about that because a friend is also going along but listening to my sister cry on the phone because she can't be with me just tears at my gut. Please pray it's not broken.
I guess I am not thinking about myself right now! That's good huh? I plan to wear my I Pod this morning and listen to music during the two biopsies. I will keep me eyes shut tight. I will not look at a single thing. Have a told you that I have a REAL aversion to needles. I am sure the one they are going to stick in my boob is at least 7 inches long. Shit, shit, shit......I think I need to come up with a better word for this! If I want to I can watch the ultra sound while they are going to do it.
NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment