Seven treatments to go. Today went really fast. I hadn't slept well last night so I slept during chemo (sorry Con) but she had to wake me up one time for a little snore.
Last night was one of those nights. Had a great Easter with my sister and family (minus Timothy) even though I missed my brother and his family. However, when it was time to sleep, it just didn't happen. For whatever reason the meds I am taking to help me sleep just did NOTHING. Wide awake for a long, long time. Thinking a great deal about death over the past few weeks. I have always had issues/fears/concerns... about death but things over the past few weeks have brought it to the forefront. One friend recently lost her husband to cancer, another friend lost her adult son to suicide, and another family lost their much loved family dog.
Its not that I am naive enough to believe that death isn't part of life. I know that I could walk out the door tomorrow and get hit by a car. I know that people die all of the time. I get that. I just don't want to die for a VERY, VERY long time and I am scared that if my cancer doesn't get stopped, I won't be able to be here to do the things I still want to do.
I am ok tho, I'm here, alive, feeling good after chemo (those steroids are so nice), and getting sleepy. Life is good tonight!!!
Those middle of the night scary thoughts are awful. Once you start worrying it's like you can't turn it off. Next time you are awake in the middle of the night call me - sometimes the time difference is a plus!!
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