I have cancer. I cannot control that, but I am also fat, have gained a BUNCH of weight back that I worked so hard to lose, and THAT I CAN CONTROL. There are days that I don't feel good and just don't care what I eat but for the most part chemo hasn't affected my appetite so that's not an excuse. I am trying to appreciate the good things about chemo (and the fact that it could be so much harder).....one friend who works in the district is also battling cancer and was at chemo the past two weeks with me....he has lost so much weight (ok, so I may secretly have prayed that would happen to me), he has had to have all of his teeth removed, and he is really struggling but is still hanging in there. I have NO excuse!
I am so incredibly frustrated with myself. I keep making excuses and keep gaining. I do good for a day or two and then stop and go back to my old habits. The roller coaster of success and failure gets me down and it gets harder and harder each time to get back up and try again. I feel like I am letting myself down, Tony down, the doctors down.......it's driving me crazy yet if I am honest with myself, I know exactly what to do.
Talked with Tony (the F.A.S.T. Diet guru) today finally. Working with him over the past several years helped me get under 200 pounds. Unfortunately I started making exceptions and excuses last summer and started gaining back weight. Can't blame the cancer on that one! He pisses me off because he knows me so well but he gave me lots to think about and I have to decide that it's time to get back in control.
I know logically that losing weight before surgery will only help me and make surgery easier. I have 77 days until surgery. If I get serious and do what I KNOW I can do (because I did it before), I can make a huge dent on losing what I have put back on. I am angry that I have to re-lose weight again but as Tony said, that's the cards I've been dealt and I just have to get on with it.
So here's what I plan to do.......(in case anyone wants to join me, it would be great) I am going to start tracking my food, I am going to push myself to get in my exercise every day (even on days when I feel like crap I have to do something) and I am going to check in with Tony every day. I have to be accountable to myself and get something started before I spiral out of control and gain everything back that I lost...now THAT would be a real shame.
I know if I get back in control of my food the mental relief will help me in so many ways. I need this. I want this. I will do this. I have control over this part of my life!!!
TBC....hopefully soon you'll be seeing less of me.
I can't say I understand about the cancer and chemo, but I do understand about the struggle with weight. 4 years ago worked hard and lost 30 pounds. But then I gradually gained it all back and a couple more, largely by allowing myself to makes excuses and telling myself I'd deal with it later. Later doesn't seem to come. So, I'm back at weight watchers, have joined a "biggest loser" group that my daughter-in-law has organized, AND I am using MyFitnessPal.com which is a free website that lets you track food, exercise and has lots of other stuff. I am finding that the more accountability I have, the better I do. I will email an "invite" to MyFitnessPal - see what you think.
ReplyDeleteI love you Nancy, and I know you will figure this out. Good for you for getting back with Tony, even though he pisses you off!
Take care.
I certainly understand Nancy. I struggle too with the weight. I know I need to get the weight back down to stay healthy. I know getting my weight down and getting healthy is the way to stay healthy. Maybe we should get together and start walking or riding our bikes. Keep each other accountable. What do you think?
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